Brain? Brain. What're you doin', buddy?

[ashelterofpages]

So, yesterday I kind of realized something. When I think about what it means to "do things" I really wasn't counting the things that matter. The things that build up a day, or make things pleasant, or anything like that.

I thought "doing things" meant making words, or actually consuming media, or things like that. In my brain doing something like making my bed, or lighting incense (things that make my life just a little more pleasant) weren't doing enough to matter. I didn't think actually putting away dishes was something that should count, and while taking a shower *sort of* counted, it didn't feel like actually doing something.

And like, this is not true? Doing the things that are building blocks for your life should absolutely count. Especially if you're someone who's not good at actually accomplishing those things every day (you know, someone like me.). All of those things matter and they're important for eventually allowing yourself to do the creative, fun things.

All of it is hard in one way or another. Showers are hard. Brushing my teeth is hard. But so is sitting down and writing, or actually watching a movie or reading. They're different kinds of hard, sure, but they're all difficult in one way or another. But, for whatever reason, I wans't giving myself any credit for doing those small, daily tasks that are important.

So, now I'm trying to pivot my brain a little bit and starting to do that. I literally sat down and made a big list of stuff I do/want to do and assigned points to them. The daily, life-oriented stuff gets the most points, and creative stuff gets a few less. It's not that the creative stuff isn't important, but for now I need to let myself embrace the idea that the actual life stuff is maybe worth as much, if not more, than those things.

We'll see how it goes, but since doing that, I got up at a decent time today, and have done a bunch of life stuff that is good for me. So like, we're doing good so far?

Comments

[runpunkrun]

Good luck with your brain pivot!

I absolutely give myself credit for taking a shower, because it's work and I did it. But for some reason taking care of the cat (which is also work) doesn't count because it just has to be done? But that's obvious nonsense, so let's see if I can give myself credit for that too.

[ashelterofpages]

Join me in trying to tweak those weird little brain things!

[cosmolinguist]

It really helps to count the things that make you feel better, the things that make your day possible.

<3

[ashelterofpages]

Yeah, I think it's going to be a very good thing to work on. So many days I feel like I have done absolutely nothing, and hopefully I can have less of those days when I'm willing to count those things that keep my life running.

[cosmolinguist]

I hope so -- I've had so many days where it feels like I've done nothing, but I never have really done nothing, and I'm so much better at not beating myself up about it now.

Wishing you well with this!

[ashelterofpages]

Aw, yay <3 I'm so glad you've gotten better about it. It gives me hope for myself.

[theradicalchild]

Everything's hard for me because my mind won't shut the hell up about past trauma.

[ashelterofpages]

Yeah, brains are awful like that sometimes.

[jenett]

In my massive spreadsheet of doom about tracking various things, I have a sheet that has a bunch of ticky boxes (20 for each day) that are "things I do that do not take a ton of time (or where the time is tracked in other ways if it's longer" that are good for me. Things like doing the relevant reading that moves projects along, or cat snuggles, or a good conversation.

What's cool about it is that I can see if there's a specific thing I haven't done for ages, or if there are things I am doing consistently. I don't try to do all of them every day (and some of them are impossible to do the same day: "introvert day" and "great conversation with friend" do not get the same day!)

[cosmolinguist]

This sounds great. :)

[ashelterofpages]

Oh, that's so smart. I might need to add some stuff like that to my list too. It feels like it would be so helpful. I do wish I had a good spreadsheet to track it all in, but I know nothing about building proper ones.

[jenett]

I have learned my spreadsheet skills by going "Okay, I think this is possible, how do I do that?" (Mostly seeing what someone else does, then doing it.)

So, for example, the spreadsheet of doom helps me track a lot of stuff, gives it a point value, so I can see day by day an overall picture.

(Mostly, I use that for "am I having a downhill slide for chronic health reasons that otherwise I will not spot for a couple of weeks when it's harder to fix?" If I have a couple of rough days in a row, I'll see it much more quickly now, and can, y'know, go to bed earlier and take some stuff off my task list or simplify things like food/errands even more.)

But these particular checkboxes are great for "things I do that don't take a ton of time, or that are known things that improve my life" and keeping an eye on which I do. (I use a formula to count up how many ticky boxes are checked, and then that gets calculated into a point value - it's 0.1 points per box.

I almost always have a couple of boxes checked (cat snuggles, pretty reliable in my life!) but eyeing the variation on the others is handy (it has been ages since I watched something for pleasure rather than just background noise while I'm doing other things. I should fix that.)

But a lot of the spreadsheet is pretty straightforward "put in the number of minutes I did the thing, do a total, run it through some math for the daily number, colour code the results because I do like colour coding." That last one is a bit trickier than the first bits, but pretty manageable.

[cornerofmadness]

good luck with it all

[ashelterofpages]

Thank you!

[rhoda_rants]

This is so, so familiar to me! In my case, that sense of "must be productive!" came mostly from my mother, who had a very tough time relaxing on her days off. I'd have to remind her of all the things you have listed here: you didn't do "nothing" you did so many things, and they all count! I'm not as bad about this myself, but I do need the occasional reminder that even though I didn't cross specific items of my to-do list, that doesn't mean I was staring blankly at the ceiling all day.

Good luck with your new outlook on life stuff!

[ashelterofpages]

Thank you! It feels nice to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this, honestly. There are days where I do spend a lot of time spacing out and not doing much, but I'm trying to remind myself that doing any of the small, useful things I do for my life are worth celebrating. Especially on days when that stuff feels hard.